4th of July and the Oral Surgeon
Today's challenge..how to combine tomorrow's holiday with a blog that deals with health/wellness. Hmmmm... we go back ten years to 2003.
As usual there's a backstory that needs to be told. Here's the short version. When I was five years old, I had an accident where I landed with my face on a sidewalk. It cracked a couple of my teeth. It made my adult teeth come in crooked. My dentist said he'd straighten it all out when my mouth stopped growing and to be patient. Well kids, my mouth didn't stop growing until age 17. My teeth just looked bad for all those years. I blame that and my dentist for my lack of success with girls. Thanks Dr. Narsette, rip!!
Anyways, about two months before heading off to college, he got rid of the old teeth and put in a sparking new bridge. Yeah for the new teeth. Yeah for new girls. Actually, the girl success wasn't a lot better so I want to apologize to Dr. Narsette for dissing him in the previous paragraph. Sorry Sam, still rip.
Well, the new bridge held up pretty well. It did start losing the enamel and finally one day in June of 2003, it just fell out. Time for a new bridge. I found a dentist and he worked up a plan....an expensive plan...but still a plan. Part of the plan involved a root canal. Might as well get rid of the decay before putting in the new teeth, right? Yes sir, Mr. Dentist. Let's do it right!!
So that leads us to the end of June 2003. I'm scheduled for oral surgery. It was a wonderful experience. Lots of novacaine. Lots of drilling. About an hour or so later, he's done. I'm pretty much done, too!! He gives me instructions on meds, gives me his phone number just in case something happens...but don't worry...nothing ever happens. WRONG!!!
My mouth never stopped hurting and my face was badly swollen. We figured it would go down in a couple of days. WRONG AGAIN!
It's now the 4th of July. The family has plans. We were going to see Sheryl Crow. Keyword there is WERE!! The swelling was out of control. Major headaches. Traditional meds weren't working. I had the oral surgeon's cell number so I gave him a call. Voice Mail! Left him a message. No return call. Tried again. Voice Mail Again. Another message. More Pills. One more call. One more Voice Mail. One more message.
So at this point we figure he isn't calling back. Next step is a trip to the emergency room. What could be wrong with this decision? Hey, who would ever be in an ER on the 4th of July? Actually it wasn't that crowded and they got me to a doctor pretty quick. I mumbled out the above story...leaving out the girls....and after a few minutes they decided I was going to be staying. But Mr. ER Doctor...Sheryl Crow??? Poor Sheryl never did get to see us that night.
It turns out my whole face is infected. Cellulitis. I'm spending the night. They hit me up with a bed and an IV. I could see fireworks out my window...at least I thought I could. Who really knows?? Btw...at this point, still no return call from the oral surgeon.
Well one night turns into two nights which turned into three. Do you know how hard it is to get to spend three days in a hospital these days? I had three roomies during my days there. All three had heart attacks. All three went home before me. Apparently they don't mess around with infections...who knew??!
Finally they gave me a couple of prescriptions and sent me home. Hey, guess who called? Yeah, the oral surgeon. He apologized for not returning the call. He was on a boat in Lake Geneva and left his phone elsewhere. After I told him the above story he really apologized. Then after I called him a few really nasty names, he really, really apologized and said to come on in tomorrow and we'll double check everything. OY!! SIGH!! %&$**#!!!!!!!!!
I did go in the next day. More novacaine...more drilling...more pain....more nasty words!!! OY!! SIGH!! %&$**#!!!
As I left, their receptionist handed me the invoice. I shook my head...balled it up...and tossed it in the garbage. That was the day I became an anti-dentite (see Seinfeld).
A few weeks later, the new bridge was final and all was forgotten....until today!!
So children, that's how you tie in a holiday with a health blog. And if you think that's bad, wait til Christmas comes around and I tell how I spent that holiday in a student infirmary.
Have a happy 4th. Keep safe. Stay away from hospitals and dentists.