Cystoscopy or Death: It's A Tough Call
This is a diagram of a Cystoscopy. Looks really nasty, right!? IT'S WORSE THAN NASTY!!:nic
One of the lovely things about Parkinson's is you get some yucky urinary tract crap. Don't ask me why, I don't know the reason, it just's there.
A few weeks ago, I thought I had a kidney stone. No such luck.
After the second visit to my doctor, he gave me some antibiotics and said if it's not better in ten days, we'll set you up with the Urologist...words no one ever wants to hear..
It's been a few weeks and while I like to pretend it's getting better, sometimes it feels like there's a herd of elephants trampling on my bladder.
So why haven't I called my doctor? Pretty simple....I've taken this trip before and it's a bad trip, man.
Years ago I had a kidney stone problem. Thought it was stuck in my bladder. I needed a Cyst....I don't even want to say the word.
A cousin recommended this father-son team. That should have been a sign. Who follows their dad into this business?
To get started a nurse comes into the room Nurse: Mr. Moore, first I'm going to wash you with a warm towel and then I'll shave you. Dude Freaking Out: Normally I'd like that but I have a feeling you guys are about to fuck me up good. Nurse: (Snickering) Now I'm going to spray some numbing agent in you for the procedure.
The spray makes you shriek like a little girl, no disrespect to little girls, and the good stuff is just getting started.
Here comes the Urologist. It was the father....a kinder, gentler man....may he rest in Hell!
"Mr. Moore, this tiny microscope will go into your urethra so I can look into your bladder. It's fast and painless."
Yeah for him!
Remember the Seinfeld episode with the shrinkage? Trust me that nothing causes shrinkage like a man trying to stick a tube into your penis. NOTHING!
Now you have a tube in you and you're praying that you don't pee on the doctor. The tube comes out after what seems like an hour but it's only a minute...a long ass minute. You don't want to touch anything and you're praying that you never have to pee again.
As I left the office, I told the doctor I was willing to die before doing that again. I haven't had to make that decision since and even now it's only about 50-50 that I do it.
I realize that I'm going to have to be an adult and get it done...probably sooner than later. Still maybe if I wait just a little longer they'll find a new procedure that's administered by little kittens or puppies. Hey...a guy can hope!