I'm No Longer A Surgical Virgin

Yep...I had surgery yesterday..and apparently survived, thank you very much. But the big question asked was "you're really a surgery virgin?"

Well not anymore but I was surprised it was asked not once but twice. Is it so shocking that someone who is age 62 has never had surgery?

The second time was a by a friend who can and would and does ask anything at any time...and it's all good (hi Lynn)! But the first was by a nurse before the procedure. She was checking my stats, which were already checked three times that day and twice the day before, and then we had this discussion.

Nurse: Mr. Moore, have you ever had any surgeries? Me: Still no. Nurse: Really? Never? You're a surgical virgin? Me: Yeah. Will you be gentle? Nurse, after smirking: After the surgery don't make any major decision. Me: Okay. I'll wait until Friday to announce my candidacy for President. Nurse: Sigh...take it easy the next couple of days. By Friday, everything should be normal including sex. Me: (shaking head) Did you have anyone in mind?

After that lovely pre-game pep talk it was go time. Wheel me into the OR.

I'm looking around and the place is very Grey's Anatomy. Big lights that would be cool when you were listening to a Hendrix album in the 60's. I look up to see if people are observing from above but there's no balcony. That's a good thing. No one is going to drop a Junior Mint into my incision.

i also noticed there were a lot of people in the room for a minor surgery. Two surgeons, two anesthesiologists, three nurses and a med student who was just stalking the procedure. Eight people for a three inch Melanoma.

And then there was the music. You ever hear the tune the Chicago Bulls use to introduce the starting lineup? It's Called "Sirus" by the Alan Parson's Project. Hey if my surgeon wants to get pumped up for the surgery, it's fine by me. He can be Michael Jordan and his sidekick, Scottie Pippen. Those guys won six championships. I'd be worried if they were playing "Go Cubs Go."

I  don't remember anything else. I didn't even count backwards from 100. I was out cold. I woke up and found myself on a table in the hallway outside the operating room.

The procedure took about two hours and I woke up feeling pretty wasted. Not bad. It combined two of my favorite activities....napping and getting fucked up! Plus they gave me a prescription for 30 Norco's, which my insurance company paid for entirely. Win/Win!! I felt good enough that I haven't needed any of them so I can save them for more personal use, such as a concert! Another Win!

Seriously....everything seems to be fine. Just a little sore but not horrible. Thanks to everyone who gave advice and said prayers or good thoughts. Hopefully this will be the last time we talk about Melanoma or Surgery.

And if you know of anyone who needs some Norco....

By now you know you can subscribe to my blog. You know the drill...email address, click link, SUBSCRIBER!!