One arm, two surgeries, three months: It's always something

It was so close to being over. It was only a couple of weeks from being done.

On March 1st, I had surgery on my left arm. There was good news and bad news. Let’s start with the good. We thought it was going to be for the rotator cuff, but when the surgeon got his scope inside my arm, it turn out that was fine. Now the bad…my bicep was torn so he had to repair that.

The recovery from this is fairly fast. I began physical therapy about ten days after the surgery. I was all in doing the exercises six days a week…I took Sundays off. There were a few minor setbacks, but I’m told that was to be expected. It was all good.

And, then came June…

This was supposed to be the final month. No more follow-ups with the surgeon. No more physical therapy. And, then one morning I was reaching for something on the bed. I felt this shooting pain from my shoulder down to my fingers. At that moment, I knew I had torn something and I knew it was my rotator cuff. A week later, an MRI confirmed my expert diagnosis.

So, the next question is how to deal with this. I decided I was going to put off having it repaired until the end of summer. Why? Because it’s summer in Chicago, people! We put up with bullshit weather conditions for nine months out of the year just so we can have these three months of glory. Plus, we have concerts, birthday celebrations and bad baseball to watch. I thought if I could manage the pain, I could do all those things and deal with the surgery and recovery in the fall and winter. Also, I told a couple of people that maybe I would just hit the dispensary and stay stoned for a couple of months. That would help you deal with the Cubs and White Sox, right? It certainly did in the 1970s. Btw, be aware that if you’re making drug jokes around medical professionals, they don’t find them funny.

But, when you damage your rotator cuff, it gives you some not-so-subtle signs that tell your somewhat well-thought-out plans don’t mean a damn thing. Here are four of them:

1. When you get in your car to drive and you have to use your right arm to shut the car door.

2. When you go to a fast food drive-through and it’s painful to move your arm sideways to get the food.

3. When you go into a parking lot and you can’t move your arm far enough to get the ticket.

4. When you go to a wedding and your arm is causing so much pain that you can’t put on your suit jacket, even with help.

However, here’s the final sign that isn’t so subtle. The surgeon checks out your MRI and he tells you the tear is even worse than first thought. Doing nothing could make it worse, so it needs to be taken care of sooner than later.

The reason for this long-winded diatribe is sooner is TODAY!! As you're reading this, they'll supposedly be working on my left arm. They’ll make a couple more incisions and fix the tear. According to my physical therapist, nine months later it’ll be fine. Just like having a baby. Damn, I thought I was done with those, too.

This will be my last column for a short time. I’m again going to concentrate on the initial recovery period. The goal is to be back writing this again in August. I took March off and no one seemed to miss me so I figure one more month isn’t going to hurt anyone. My guess is I'll miss you more than you'll miss seeing me in your email.

So, in advance, Happy 4th of July, enjoy the All-Star game and don’t get too down about the state of baseball in Chicago. There’s always the Bears’ upcoming season…oh, never mind. Sorry. Hmmm…those dispensary gummies really do work when dealing with local sports.

See ya in August!