Should I Stay Or Should I Go
This is the Pacific Ocean at Santa Monica Pier. It's so peaceful. One of my favorite spots.
I've been in Los Angeles almost three weeks. It's been great. I really needed this to renew some relationships and get away from my life.
Trust me, after 14 months in a shelter, a month in California sounds good. It is good...especially in February.
The original plan was to relocate here. That was when I bought a one way ticket last October. Plans change. Life changes. Damn!
When I came here on February 3rd, I had three reasons to go back. We're down to two but they're big ones.
My youngest daughter is getting married in August. I know I can go back for that but I want to watch the process. I want to be in the process.
Also this blog is written on ChicagoNow. It's based in Chicago. Maybe there's an LANow....hmmm...I kinda like the sound of that. But seriously...doing this is very important to me. It was a big part of keeping a semblance of sanity over 14 months of Hell.
But now the shit is getting real.
I can see the end of this vacation. I've been living on people's couches for three weeks and they must be getting tired of it. I am, too.
I'm really no closer to finding a real place to live than I was when I was in Chicago. It's still being homeless. It's just warmer.
So the question is what to do next? Honestly, I'm not sure...and it's stressful. FUCKING STRESSFUL!! So stressful that I made an emergency call to my therapist and vented into her voice mail.
Almost everyone I talk to asks what am I going to do...where am I going...do you know where you're going to live? I always say I'm figuring that out but honestly I don't know and I'm not sure what will happen next.
It's confusing. Did I mention it's stressful?
All I know is I better figure it our soon. I'm open to ideas...sorta. I really thought I had this down. I pretty much realize now that I don't.
I think I'm going to the Ocean. It's peaceful there. I can use some of that.
This is part of a series called Face of Homelessness. You can read my last piece about coming to California here.
I really think you should subscribe to this blog. It comes right to your email. It would lower some of my stress if you did. Type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.