The denial of aging or how I'm not really sixty-five years old
I turned 65 yesterday. SIXTY FUCKING FIVE!!
How did that happen? I was just in college a few days ago. Seriously, it seems recently that we were drinking beers, doing other substances and watching college football games. How did recently turn into forty-plus years? Yanno, we're still drinking beers, doing other substances (mostly prescribed) and watching college football games but we're now old people doing that. Sad! Grateful we can still do it but sad.
This aging thing can really mess with your head. I have a few friends and colleagues who have lost a parent in the last few months. I see the obituaries and notice that those parents were younger than me. Scary!
You get another reminder of turning this magic number. A government reminder. Medicare! I'm in total denial about that! You get your card a few months before your birthday as if you didn't already know it was going to happen. I opened the envelope, looked at the card, said a few fucks and filed it in some cabinet for another day. Then the government makes it a little worse. They don't even wait for your birthday before they give you the insurance. It's starts on day one of your birth month. CMON!! At least give me my eleven days to try to get used to this.
But it gets worse. I couldn't find the card. No idea where I put it. You don't think that was a denial of aging thing, do you (eyeroll)? It took two days to find it. I hid it between some other papers and behind some cleaning supplies that I have so I can pretend I clean but have never and have no plans to ever use. I must have really trying to put this age thing off because I don't have that many cabinets or hiding places.
I'm in such denial that when I went to my Dermatologist for my bi-yearly body check up, I didn't let them know my insurance had changed. I really should make this right with her because I don't want to lose her. At age sixty-fi..eeeerrr, she's the only woman I have who is doing full body searches on me.
But yanno what, this sixty-five thing isn't all that bad...at least not as bad as I thought. I'm still here and that puts me ahead of the game compared to some former classmates who didn't make it. I am grateful for that. There are also a lot of good things going on in my life and I'm also grateful for those. It certainly can be worse.
I remember at age forty, hiding in bed all day. At age sixty, just five years ago, I was contemplating my age and walked onto a Metra (high speed train) track without looking. It took the loud sound of the train's horn to bring me back to reality. Fairly close call. Phew! I didn't do that kind of stuff this time. I went to a book fair in the morning and to Blues's Fest at night, with some baseball and food in between. I'm become so much more fucking evolved in my old age.
So even though this shit isn't easy, it's time to move onward. What other choice do you have?
Will you still need me? Will you still feed me? When I'm sixty-five!
Related post: From When I'm 64 to Medicare
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