The March madness edition of The Month in Review
Can you believe we’re now a fourth of the way through 2023? It’ll be Christmas before we know it. March is done so it’s time to recap the news of the month. A lot was going on, and not one item is about basketball. Let’s get to it.
I hoped to have a month free of this guy, but Donald Trump never disappoints. Just in case you’ve been in a cave, the former president of the United States has been indicted in New York. There’s a lot of irony that the guy who has led the cheer of “Lock Her Up” towards Hilary Clinton is the one to possibly end up behind bars. You’d think I’d be ecstatic about this, but in reality, it’s sad that someone entrusted with leading the country is facing time in prison. Still, I can’t help myself…”LOCK HIM UP!” Unfortunately, they’ll be more about this in the coming months…a lot more.
A week before the indictment, Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg was sent an envelope containing an unknown white powder. The reaction from a few Republicans was typical. It was sent by a Democrat to gain sympathy for Bragg. There are times when it’s better to shut up. This was one of those times.
A story that was overshadowed by the Trump indictment, Wall Street Journal journalist Evan Gershkovich was detained and accused of spying in Russia. It’s not the first time this has occurred and it won’t be the last. The response to this has been almost nothing. It’s not a surprise that the extreme Republicans, who are siding with Putin and looking to cut off aid to Ukraine, have shut up. I wonder how many of them will be visiting Moscow this July 4th.
We had another school shooting last week. Six are dead, including three nine-year-olds. More thoughts and prayers, right? South Dakota Republican Senator had a somewhat honest response: “I think the things that have already been done have gone as far as we’re going to go with gun control.” Don’t let a few dead nine-year-olds get in the way of being able to take your AR-15 to Mt. Rushmore.
Our current President, Joe Biden had a cancerous lesion removed from his face. Texas Representative Ronny Jackson had an interesting response: “Biden is the cancer. He is what needs to be removed, not the lesion.” Of course, not a single Republican condemned this. By the way, Jackson is a licensed physician and a former White House doctor. He has quite the bedside manner.
Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell has been MIA. He fell down some stairs and suffered a concussion and broken ribs. McConnell has been recovering at a rehab center. Can you believe not a single Democrat has asked for a picture proving that Mitch is still alive like Republicans have been asking of John Fetterman, who has been off taking care of mental health issues. By the way, Fetterman will return to work on April 17, when the Senate returns from a break. No word on when, or if, Mitch is returning.
Talking about accidents, legendary actor Dick Van Dyke was involved in one when the car he was driving skidded off a road in Malibu and crashed into a gate. The good news is he’s okay. The bad news is he was still driving a car at age ninety-seven. The keyword there is WAS because his wife finally had enough and took away his keys. It looks like he had fun, fun, fun until wifey took his Lexus away. The word on the street is Dick is pissed because this takes away his independence. I get it, but dude, your net worth is between $50-60 Million. Hire someone to drive you around. I’m available for hire…well, maybe in a month or so after my arm heals enough to let me drive on the L.A. highways. Solidarity, bro!
Rupert Murdoch is getting married again. He’s now 92 while his future bride number five is sixty-six. Rupert’s comment about his upcoming nuptials, “We’re looking forward to spending the second half of our lives together.” Now I’m not that great at math, but me see if I can get this one right. If he’s only halfway done at ninety-two, that means he’ll be around until he’s one hundred eighty-four years old. That would be in the year 2015. Man, imagine how many lawsuits he’ll be served with if he survives until then. He’ll be telling lies about Barron Trump’s grandson then.
Talking about marriages, the Conways have finally decided to call it quits. Nobody could have seen this coming, right? NOBODY!! I wonder what their rebound relationships will be? I’m picturing KellyAnne finally hooking up with the Donald. Oh man, excuse me for a minute while I go take a shower. Will George date Laura Ingraham again? Oy! GEORGE!! I just got out of the shower. Seriously, or not, I guess the two of them couldn’t figure out how to keep their dysfunctional grift going, so it’s on to whatever creepy shit is next.
In the stupid news story of the month, a man is suing Buffalo Wild Wings for false advertising over their boneless chicken wings. He claims that they’re really nuggets. I have a better solution than filing stupid lawsuits and wasting the courts and the public time and money…QUIT EATING THERE! Pretty simple, right?
Finally, there’s a new proposed law in, where else, Florida, that independent paid bloggers, writing about government members, need to register with the state. They’ll also need to include their source of income. I’m willing to be the test case on this law. I need someone reading this anywhere in Florida to send me a couple of bucks. I’ll then follow up with Florida by telling them about the payment, but I’m refusing to register or tell them the amount of money or who sent it. Let’s see if DeSantis is serious or if he is talking out of his ass, as usual. I await your money!
That’s all for March. Can you believe how long this is…and there were a few more stories that didn’t make the cut. I can’t wait until April when the Trump court shit gets started. Sigh. See you then. SIGH!