The Potty-Mouth Edition of The February Month in Review
Welcome to March. The Ides of March is two weeks from today and I’m your Vehicle that will bring you the news from February. There’s plenty to digest, so let’s get to it:
AT&T had an outage. It didn’t last very long but for people who couldn’t make calls or access their email, they freaked out. AT&T had a solution to make it up to those affected by this—a $5 refund. If you’re one of those getting this unexpected windfall, you may have to wait a bit. It’ll show up on your bill in one of the next two cycles. So don’t get ready to quit your job just yet.
The great state of Nevada has both a Republican primary and a caucus. The caucus is the one that elects delegates so Nikki Haley decided to enter the primary—of course, she did. Donald Trump wasn’t on the ballot so the voters had a choice between Nikki and “None of these candidates.” The winner was “None of these candidates” by a wide margin. She also lost in her home state of South Carolina; also by a wide margin. In fact, she hasn’t come close to winning anywhere, but like the Energizer Bunny, she keeps on running.
MSNBC’s Jen Psaki interviewed former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. It went as you expected it would until Jen asked this question, “What do you think Putin has on Trump?” Nancy’s response was, “I don’t know. It’s probably financial.” WOW! She said what we’re all thinking out loud. That’s why she’s Nancy F’ing Pelosi!
WGN’s longtime lead weatherman Tom Skilling is retiring. Chicago sent him out in style with eleven tornados in one night—in February. He says he’s going to spend time in his other homes which are in Alaska and Hawaii. Maybe he’ll do weather reports from there? Here's a preview—Alaska: It’s cold with a good chance of snow. Hawaii; It’s very warm with a good chance of rain. Good luck Tom and here’s some advice—spend your winters in Hawaii and your summers in Alaska. You’re welcome.
February means baseball is back. Spring training has begun; with the start of the regular season being less than a month away.
The Oakland A’s have hired Jenny Cavnar to be their lead announcer. She’s the first woman to handle the primary play-by-play assignment for any major league team. The over/under for when fans start to complain that women, who have never played the game, shouldn’t be in the broadcast booth is five games—if it hasn’t already started.
The Angels third baseman Anthony Rendon gave a controversial interview about his commitment to baseball. "It’s never been a top priority for me. This is a job. I do this to make a living. My faith, my family come first before this job. So if those things come before it, I’m leaving." We all put our families ahead of our jobs, or we know we’re supposed to. That’s cool! We all would like to have a somewhat balanced work/life situation. That’s cool, too! But, only a few of us have signed a seven-year contract that pays $245 million which is completely guaranteed. Plus, when you’ve been injured the last three years and have only played in less than one-third of your team’s total games, you have to know those words are going to rub plenty of folks the wrong way.
Talking about rubbing people the wrong way, how about the owners of Chicago’s baseball teams:
Cubs owner Tom Ricketts said this about the team’s payroll, "We're right there at CBT levels. It's kind of our natural place for us. That should be enough to win our division and be consistent every year." That pissed off the fans who think the goal of their team should be to try to win the World Series instead of settling for a division championship. More cynical fans felt that by keeping the payroll under control, they could funnel more bucks to Donald Trump and other Republican candidates. Btw, those two statements are not mutually exclusive—both can be true.
On the other side of town, White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf is trying to get his team a new stadium in a better location. The estimated cost is ONE BILLION DOLLARS—and he wants the state’s taxpayers to put up the money. I feel like we’ve traveled this road with him before. Jerry, then again, rubbed people the wrong way by blaming fans who aren’t coming to games as the reason the team isn’t consistently competitive. That sure doesn't seem like the way to get even your most loyal fans to pony up for a new dream ballpark. Good luck getting that billion, Jerry. See you, in Nashville, Portland or Mexico City.
Tim Wakefield pitched in the major leagues until he was forty-five years old. Five months ago, it was announced that he and his wife, Stacy, both were suffering from cancer. The reason it became public was because his former teammate Curt Schilling put it out on his podcast. He did this against the wishes of the Wakefields, who were trying to deal with this privately.. A few days after this, Tim died of brain cancer. It’s now five months later and Stacy died of pancreatic cancer earlier this week. The Wakefields leave two children, ages nineteen and seventeen. May they rest in peace and may the asshole Schilling find his eventual place in Hell.
How about a nice baseball story? Parker Byrd plays college baseball for the East Carolina Pirates. In 2022, he had a part of his right leg amputated after a boating accident. Last Friday, he appeared in the team’s opening game, against Rider, as a pinch-hitter. Byrd became the first to play in a game with a prosthetic leg. His response to the moment was, “Chill bumps, man It’s absolutely phenomenal.” His coach, Cliff Godwin, took it even deeper, “One of the proudest moments I have ever had as a coach. He’s going to get some more, But he’s worked his tail off. It was super emotional. The umpire behind home plate told me when I was making a change, he said he’s been umpiring for 17, 18 years, and it’s the coolest moment he’s ever been a part of. So he said he was tearing up back there, as I was, when he was running off the field.” It will be hard to find a better sports or human interest story than this one.
One final sports story—Scottie Pippen, Horace Grant and Luc Longley, who are former members of the Chicago Bulls championship teams, are going on tour. The “No Bull Tour” is their perspective on Michael Jordan’s “Last Dance” documentary, plus they will give their perspective on playing for the team. I’d pay a lot of money to be there when someone asks Scottie what he thinks about his ex-wife Larsa hooking up with M.J.’s son, Marcus. You know it’s going to happen!
It wouldn’t be a month of news if Congress didn’t chime in.
In the House, the Republicans made good on their promise to impeach Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas. However, it took them two votes to get it done. When they came up short by only one vote the first time, Marjorie Taylor Green came up with this excuse, "They hid one of their members, waiting until the last minute watching the CR votes, trying to throw us off from the numbers we had versus the numbers they had… that was a strategy at play tonight." The member she was talking about was Texas Democrat Al Green. He was apparently hiding in the hospital after having stomach surgery earlier that day.
In the Senate, minority leader Mitch McConnell has decided it’s time for someone else to take the party leadership role. He’ll stay until November when Republicans will vote to see who will assume the job in January. The response on X (formerly known as Twitter) as to who should be next has plenty of support for another Kentucky Senator, Rand Paul. That would be entertaining if it does happen because plenty of his colleagues barely tolerate him. Instead of his former next-door neighbor beating him up, he’ll have forty-plus Senators looking to kick his ass every day.
Now on to the title of this month’s review. During February, we heard our political leaders use language that we aren’t accustomed to hearing—at least not from them:
Joe Biden about Donald Trump: “He’s a sick fuck.” and “He’s a fucking asshole.” Donald Trump to attorney Roberta Kaplan: “See you next Tuesday.” (a euphemism for the C-word) Chip Roy to Matt Gaetz: “You wanna come out me and call me a RINO? You can kiss my ass. Come to my office, come have a debate, motherfucker” Marjorie Taylor Green to a British politician: “Frankly, he can kiss my ass.”
Look, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard people in power use these words—far from it. The first I remember it occurring was in the Nixon era, more than fifty years ago. I’m sure it goes back even further. Maybe even when Paul Revere yelled out ‘The motherfucking British are coming.’ Plus, don’t tell anyone but I’ve used more than a few of these words over the last ten years in this space—don’t tell my mom, okay? Still, it always stuns me just a little when I hear guys who want to be the leader of our country use these terms.
That’s all for February. There are two more days in March so look for more news then. I’m heading off on vacation for a bit. SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY! (actually three Tuesdays) Stay safe out there.