What’s more painful: Getting a tooth pulled or watching the inauguration?

A few months ago I was at my dentist for a routine checkup. At the end of the visit, he said, “You have a cracked tooth that needs to come out. Make an hour-long appointment before you leave.”

I did—and then I made up a reason not to go. The tooth didn’t bother me so I didn’t see the point—and then it began hurting again. I rescheduled and then I showed up a half hour late. It wasn’t on purpose and it wasn’t my fault. I was ghosted by two CTA buses—typical! I had to reschedule again and the next opening was January 20. Today!

I didn’t think anything of it until a couple of weeks ago when I realized that the tooth-pulling would coincide with today’s inauguration. That didn’t matter because I had zero plans to watch the shitshow that was happening in D.C.—ZERO!! It was too painful.

But, then I started to compare the two activities as to which would bring me more pain. The tooth pulling would last only for an hour plus there would at least be some pain-numbing medication. It's not too bad—at least until the Novacaine wears off—and then it’s only painful for a few hours.

There’s not enough Novacaine that will help me get through what will be occurring in Washington. I’m going to need heavy doses of high-grade Morphine and enough to keep me sedated until 2028.

But there’s good news, at least here in Chicago. Because of the ice-cold weather, we had to reschedule the tooth-pulling again. Maybe we can put that off until 2028, too!