YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!
I don't watch a lot of television. My tv is on most of the time but it's usually background. Most of the time I'm reading or interneting. Unless it's sports or a Law & Order rerun, it's just noise.
When people talk about the season ending Game of Thrones, I don't care. I've never seen the show. The finale for Mad Men...is it over now? I hear McDreamy died on Gray's Anatomy? He didn't die years ago? Is Meredith dating yet?
Then there's reality/competition shows. Singing/Dancing/Talent shows...REALLY? I caught five minutes of The Bachelorette last week. It was the first five minutes I've ever seen. Not likely to see another five. Am I Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? I don't know...don't give a damn but I'm guessing I'm not.
But for some reason, Maury is suddenly on my radar. Not sure how that happened since the show has been on the air for TWENTY-TWO YEARS! How did this happen?
First, how did Maury Povich get a gig like this?
He was once a respected newsman. He was an anchorman for twenty years in major markets such as Chicago, Washington, New York and Los Angeles. He's been married to Connie Chung, who has had a powerful news career of her own. How is this show your next move? I guess it is possible. Jerry Springer was once the Mayor of Cincinnati so why not. I'm sure the real answer has something to do with $$$$.
There's something about this show that intrigues me. It's like a car accident on the highway...you know you shouldn't be looking but you just can't turn away.
I know it's the guests that keep me watching. Last week there was a gentleman making his seventh appearance on the show. Seven children with seven different women. You would think that either he or one of the girls would know if he was the dad without getting on national tv at least once. BTW...if I'm this dude, after the forth or fifth time doing this gig, I might change my behavior at least a little, but that's me. And what is the thought process for the number 5, 6 & 7 women? They've seen this guy on Maury a bunch and their thinking it's going to be different with me? OY!!
As he was leaving, Maury told him he was hoping to never see him again. The response....there's a few more out there. OY! OY! OY!!!!
Then there was the guy who accused his wife of fifteen years of cheating on him because his brother thought he saw her with a guy at a mall. He then made her prove that their five year old child was his. So he gets her on national television, berates her for twenty minutes, says he's never trusted her and then comes the lie detector test results.
She never cheated on him, he was the father of all the kids....hey all is good. Really? You humiliated your wife in front of millions of people and then you hug it out and everything is okay?
Now I'm not great at relationship stuff. Okay...I'm not even good at relationship stuff. I can find a bunch of women and three therapists to confirm this, but even I know that this isn't a great way to work a relationship.
One more thing...if there are any other women in my future, I promise I'll never ask you to go on Maury or Springer or Dr. Phil or whatever. You don't have to even watch the show with me. I guarantee you there will be a bunch of other deal breaking moments but not this.
Now if you will excuse me, it's 3:00 in Chicago. It's time for the late afternoon Maury. Here come those words we all love to hear...YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!
If you're looking for relationship advice I'm your guy (eyeroll). Check this out about first dates.
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